I wake up in the model of the night terrified. I had a dream / nightmare. I cant remember anything but I am left with the feeling. A feeling of emptiness. For the first time ever my brain has considered the possibility that we might never have a child. Until now I have always been convinced that the journey, however fraught, will end happily. Now my brain has thrown up an alternative ending.
As I write this it occurs to me that reading Conor McCarthy’s The Road may have had some influence on my thinking. I haven’t finished it yet but I’m not sure its going end happily ever after.
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