Thomas The Tank Engine is better than everything else in the world, says Joshua Danton Boyd in this funny article at Sabotage Times. Here are three of his reasons why Thomas Rules.
He’s Got Style
Have you seen that paint job? Geez, he pulls that off perfect. The thing is, no one else could. He’s speeding down those tracks arresting gazes wherever he goes. Past council houses and posh estates, everyone’s got respect for the way he carries himself. Mick Jagger couldn’t pull that colour scheme off, no way. EvenBowie would baulk at that shit. Thomas doesn’t even care. His look is effortless. He was given that paint job and he owns it without breaking a sweat. You dress yourself and you look like arse.
Ringo Starr Works For Him
That’s right. That goggle-eyed, ring-wearing, smiley Beatle has been forced into submission by The Tank. A man incredibly rich and famous is bent to Thomas’ will, narrating every action of his life. Whatever you think of Starr, making a Beatle spend his time concentrating and talking about you is no easy feat.
He’s Got His Own Theme Tune
Everyone wants their own theme tune. That’s why MP3 players are so popular as they make us feel like whatever shit we’re listening to is sound-tracking our lives. As we walk to work, we imagine ourselves in a film in a desperate ten minutes of escapism where we try to avoid the crushing reality that all we are are tools for our superiors to make money. Thomas gets one done for him for no other reason than he deserves one. A song solely written for him, just like Marilyn Monroe and Princess Di got, except The Tank’s one is a ton better.