Daddy Dazed

Wifey and I go on a date to the cinema. Its our first date since baby was born.

We go to see Inception. I want to go because I have read the previews and it sounds like a cracking sci-fi movie by the bloke who made Batman. Wifey wants to go because its got Tom Hardy and Leonardo DiCaprio in it.

We leave baby with mum-in-law. We dress up, we hold hands, we buy popcorn. We settle into our seats and kiss during the trailers. Its lovely. Just us two. It’s like old times. Like when we were dating. Although unlike back then I know that there is absolutely no chance of getting to second or third base. Both areas are still strictly out of bounds and one area is exclusively promised to another.

The movie starts and its great, if a little confusing.

What follows is a spoiler. Kind of, but probably won’t make much sense unless you have seen the movie.

There’s a dream then another dream and they are inside this dream which is inside this bloke’s head and they are crashing cars and fighting  and skiing and blowing things up so they can plant an idea inside this man’s  head but they have to disguise the idea or else it won’t work and even tho its just a dream if they get killed they get stuck in a place for a long time where minutes are years or decades or something  (I got really confused at this point) but hang on DiCaprio is going to a beach in another dream, to kill his wife who is already dead so he can live. And he’s taking along the girl from Juno. Who is a quite foxy but he doesn’t get the horn for her cos he is still in love with his wife who once played Edith Piaf and weirdly it’s a song by Edith Piaf which is used as the music which synchronises their journey through all the dreams. And then they are in the real world and they wake on the plane and DiCaprio meets Michael Caine and goes home to his kids and its all lovely except maybe it was all a dream.

So we are at the cinema (although am I sure I was at the cinema or maybe I was just dreaming it?) and wifey spends half the movie gazing longingly at Tom Hardy – who is “such a good actor” and physically squirming in her seat when he and DiCaprio are on screen. Normally at the cinema she wants to hold my hand but I think she forgets I am there and just stares at the screen and munches at the popcorn. She only remembers I am there when I have to physically wrestle the popcorn away from her.

I enjoyed the movie for its clever blend of action emotion and mind-f**king ideas and wifey liked it because it had Tom Hardy in it, who is “so dreamy”.

I tell her I was a bit upset that she seemed to forget about me and posit the idea that maybe she fancies Hardy more than me. She says “don’t be silly darling, its just a movie”.

We go home she feeds baby and is now sleeping. But how do I know that Tom Hardy isn’t in her dreams now along with DiCaprio? And if they are how do I get into her dreams and kick their asses?

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