Category Archives: New dad blog

Lounge Casino

INT. HOUSE  – LOUNGE – LATE EVENING

Six men pushing middle age are seated round the lounge table covered in a piece of green beize bought from Argos, smoking cigars and joints, sipping beer and believing they are in a Vegas Casino. It’s poker night.

MIKE

How’s being a stay at home dad?

JAKE

Fucking exhausting!

There is a reason why for centuries men have chosen not to do it – they worked out that hunting animals or going down the pits or even going to war was preferable. But childcare is so expensive it doesn’t really make sense for me to work. She earns far more than me.

She sends me regular texts and e mail reminders. “Don’t forget to feed the kids.” “Please take washing out of washing machines.”

MIKE

Sounds like she’s got your balls!

JAKE

They all get them in the end. At least she hasn’t got my wallet. Well actually she has, but there’s nothing in it! That’s why I need to win big here tonight boys!

But on the flip-side, on the good days I get to lie on the sofa and watch Peppa Pig all day.

BEN

I love that cartoon! And she’s right – there’s nothing beats jumping in muddy puddles somedays.

STEVE

Pam has said we should start looking for a live-in au pair. I got really excited when I started looking online. There were some really fit ones. I campaigned for one from Brazil. But she soon stamped on that dream. She made it clear that she’s in charge of hiring. We’ve got an interview with a Bulgarian woman this week. She’s older than my mum and looks like a shot putter.

poker night

A few years ago these men’s poker nights were a monthly engagement in our diary. But now everyone is to busy with work and ever expanding families to find the time or energy to stay up all night drinking, playing poker. I have instead turned to the online casino industry to get my gambling fix.

At the moment its not poker but casino roulette that has got me hooked.

Once again, its late, I’m sitting in my house and imagining I’m in a Vegas casino. And I love it. Although I do miss the drunken banter.

Netflix TV treats for Dads

Some Netflix recommendations for dads to watch in their man cave.

BREAKING BAD
Put-upon teacher turns into bad ass drug dealer. If you are one of the few that hasn’t watched it yet, join the party. You won’t regret it.

BETTER CALL SAUL
Watch it when you have caned Breaking Bad and you are still craving for a Vince Gilligan fix.

HOUSE OF CARDS
Politics has never been so watchable or so sexy.

netflix

FARGO
If you can get past Sherlock’s sidekick / The Hobbit doing a William H Macey impression this is one helluva ride. Billy Bob Thornton at his menacing best.

#netflixstreamteam

Fathers day Jet Pack

It’s fathers day soon and wifey if you are reading this can i get one of these water powered jet packs please? M has some child benefit saved in her own bank account i’m sure she’d be delighted to spend it all on me. They are about $100k, so you might have top up the difference!

Fool Britannia

Everybody likes good comedy right? And us Brits do it pretty well. Monty Python, Ricky Gervais and that big guy, James Corden, they’re all pretty funny, right? But you know what? It’s not that they’re so funny because they mean to be – most of the time they just can’t help it. The fact is those guys come from a place that has comedy just oozing out of the ground. It’s not just history that we have a lots of. We also have thousands of years of comic potential just waiting to be tapped as well. Did you take a peek at the people standing to be Prime Minister recently? Honestly, if Jim Henson had seen any of those guys the Muppets would have been a heck of a lot more freaky. It’s a fair bet that us Brits  spent more time laughing at them than listening to them.

You know that saying about politics being showbusiness for ugly people? In Britain it works slightly differently. In Britain, politics is stand-up for people with no insight and no irony, who simply don’t realise how laughable they are.

 

May 27, 2015

How to buy gifts for other dads

It seems like once someone’s a dad there’s a mental barrier about buying gifts for them, and it’s even worse if you’re a dad yourself. Suddenly you’re representing your family when it comes to your gifts selection, and in turn the dad on the receiving end is likely to get some family scrutiny over your choice of present too. Here are some basic ideas when it comes to finding gifts for a fellow patriarch.

Indulgences

Food and drink is usually a good choice for anyone. If you want to buy booze for your friend or relative, but want something a bit more grown up than a six-pack, consider buying a whisky tasting selection. Alternatively you might want to skip the beverage and focus on the receptacle by buying a quality glass or novelty mug. A fancy idea for food gifts at the moment is to get some on on-going subscription with a food delivery service: a Friday night curry for example.

Good habits

Another avenue of gifts is to go with items that encourage a healthy lifestyle. There are some portable bits of exercise equipment out there, like dumbbells or ab wheels, which make great gifts for the active man. If the person in question is considering giving up smoking, then you could help pave the way by getting them an e-cigarette. The best electronic cigarettes come with a selection of e-liquids and chargers, so they’ll have everything they need to get started.

Big kid stuff

Finally, you might consider treating your fellow dad to one of those childish treats that you know they might secretly want, but couldn’t buy for themselves. There are some great, low cost remote control aircraft at the moment, with options that you can even fly indoors, so they can spend their Sunday afternoon indulging in a domestic flight.

So there you have it – buying gifts for dads doesn’t have to be a nightmare. It’s just a case of selecting a theme for your gift and taking it from there.

My Little Soldiers – Book Review

MLS-GB

By my calculation at least seven people have seen my girlfriend’s vagina in the last two weeks and that’s not counting me. Nyla’s private parts have become public ones. She seems to be constantly visiting the clinic for a new scan. A new sexamination. And thanks to the dildo-cam I am now getting a daily update on the state of her ovaries.

Welcome to the world of Mike, an infertile man who desperately wants to be a father but is struggling with the new reality of assisted conception.

Mike is the anti-hero of MY LITTLE SOLDIERS a stunning darkly humorous novel about infertility, written by Glenn Barden and published by Piranha Press.

Written from the rarely heard male perspective of infertility, it will make you laugh, make you cry and warm your heart.

You can buy MY LITTLE SOLDIERS here.

Man struggles to giveaway money.

Us cynical city dwellers can be sceptical of clipboard wielding people approaching us on the street claiming to be able to save us money but very occasionally when a stranger says he is trying to give you free money, he really means it!

 

The Cat in The Hat – Live!

I took my daughter to see the live show of Cat in The Hat at The Pleasance theatre in London this week and it was incredible.

M adored it and was totally caught up in the mad adventures.

With a revolving stage, balloons, bubbles, incredible costumes that brought the book’s animation to life, and interaction with the audience, it was a fabulous 50 minutes of surreal fun.

The Cat in the Hat. Photo Credit Garry Lake (4) The Cat in the Hat. Photo Credit Garry Lake (5) The Cat in the Hat. Photo Credit Garry Lake (6)