Its been a while since we have had sex. So last night I decide to seduce wifey using the Birdsong technique. For those of you who did not watch the recent BBC adaptation of the First World war romantic novel, to Birdsong is to stare longingly for minutes at your beloved whilst not saying a word . By simply staring at your intended prey, you convey your lust, your desire and your inner most feelings for them. This technique also goes by the name of French arthouse.
I Birdsong wifey during dinner. I summon up my best watery-yet-defiantly resolute look and stare at her across the table.
‘What’s wrong? Have I got food on my face?’ says wifey.
When Birdsonging the intended source of your seduction is not meant to speak. They are meant to look back at you with matching lust in their eyes, their pupils saying “yes I also want to make beautiful tender love to you”. Despite this speaking setback I persevere.
‘No. Your face is beautiful. It is perfect.’ I say in my best impression of an Eton educated young soldier. Before resuming my lustful silent look. At the same time I kick off my slippers and gently rub my bare ankle against hers. A subtle touch communicating my affection. My deep longing.
She doesn’t move into the touch she kicks it away.
‘Stop staring at me. You look like a serial killer.’
I obviously need to practise my look in the bathroom mirror more.
We all start to look a little serial-killerish after being deprived of sex.
i will try this next time.