A Short Interview With Myself

How would you describe yourself before having kids?
How would you describe yourself now?
Even happier. It gives you the licence to be a kid again. You can play with trains, jump on the bed, make funny noises, make up words, watch kids tv all day  All things my wife would never let me do before we had Baby.
What books did you read pre-wife’s birth onwards?
I didn’t want to read wifey’s pregnancy books so I escaped into fiction. The Omen in retrospect wasn’t the best choice.
What’s in your daddy bag?
Some nappies, some baby wipes and a small bottle of whisky.
What advice did your mother /father give you that you found very useful?Dad advised me to buy myself a shed. I know what he means but we don’t have a garden. So I make do by locking myself in the loo and pretending I have constipation.
How does your parenting style differ from your own parents?
They seemed to know what they were doing.
How has your relationship with your wife changed since having kids?
No sex.
Have you found your usual blokeish repartee being replaced with things like mummy chatter?
Our poker school used to be about drugs and women.Now its about nappies and the best school to send your kids.
What’s the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you as a dad?Running through the park chasing little one shouting “Here comes the  tickle-monster” can be liberating. But when caught doing it by a gang of hoodies it can be a bit embarrassing.
How has fatherhood changed you?
I never used to cry before I became a dad. Now I’m in floods watching wifey’s chick flicks. I’ve found a love for Peppa Pig which I didn’t know I had. And I’ve never knew I could find such a thrill in someone having a dump in a toilet.

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