Here’s a little piece on one of my favourite father/daughter activity that I wrote for the lovely Bubele people.
Daddy Dazed loves this compilation video of babies driving through tunnels.
Their reactions are hilarious. They probably think they are re-birthing!
It all started with an innocent question over breakfast.
Darling have you got a pilots license? Asks my wife.
You mean can I fly a plane? I say.
A few days later…..
Darling. Have you got a pilot’s uniform? She asks.
What like a fancy dress outfit?
No. And you know how I hate fancy dress parties.
The following morning.
Darling I want you to tell me what to do. I want you to assert your manliness.
Really? Are you sure?
But you hate it when I tell you to pick up your dirty clothes off the bathroom floor. You get angry and tell me not to treat you like a child.
I like the way you said dirty. I can be very dirty sometimes can’t I? She says seductively.
What’s going on?
She moves in closer.
I want you to dominate me. I want to be your submissive.
Then the penny drops.
You’ve been reading that Fifty Shades of Grey haven’t you?
Yes I have and its opened up a whole new side of me. I want to be your sex slave. I will have sex with you whenever you want me to.
But when I tried it last week you told me to get off because you were watching Desperate Housewives.
You should have insisted. That’s what dominants do. You should do what you want whether I want it or not.
You sound like a Conservative talking about rape. How about you tell me when you want me to dominate you and I’ll pretend I don’t know and then I’ll sneak up behind you, grab you and carry you off to bed.
Mmm that sounds nice. But be careful of your back. You don’t want to have to go to the physio again.
Ok ill drag you across the floor.
I like that. But make sure there aren’t any of baby’s toys in the way I don’t want o to get injured like when you stood on her xylophone and you cut your foot.
Ok. So you’ll give me the sign. I’ll pretend you haven’t given it to me. Then I’ll sweep the floor of all known toys. Pull you across the floor and into the bedroom. Where I will have my wicked way. Loudly and manly.
Not too loud though honey. We don’t want to wake baby.
It seems like once someone’s a dad there’s a mental barrier about buying gifts for them, and it’s even worse if you’re a dad yourself. Suddenly you’re representing your family when it comes to your gifts selection, and in turn the dad on the receiving end is likely to get some family scrutiny over your choice of present too. Here are some basic ideas when it comes to finding gifts for a fellow patriarch.
Food and drink is usually a good choice for anyone. If you want to buy booze for your friend or relative, but want something a bit more grown up than a six-pack, consider buying a whisky tasting selection. Alternatively you might want to skip the beverage and focus on the receptacle by buying a quality glass or novelty mug. A fancy idea for food gifts at the moment is to get some on on-going subscription with a food delivery service: a Friday night curry for example.
Another avenue of gifts is to go with items that encourage a healthy lifestyle. There are some portable bits of exercise equipment out there, like dumbbells or ab wheels, which make great gifts for the active man. If the person in question is considering giving up smoking, then you could help pave the way by getting them an e-cigarette. The best electronic cigarettes come with a selection of e-liquids and chargers, so they’ll have everything they need to get started.
Big kid stuff
Finally, you might consider treating your fellow dad to one of those childish treats that you know they might secretly want, but couldn’t buy for themselves. There are some great, low cost remote control aircraft at the moment, with options that you can even fly indoors, so they can spend their Sunday afternoon indulging in a domestic flight.
So there you have it – buying gifts for dads doesn’t have to be a nightmare. It’s just a case of selecting a theme for your gift and taking it from there.
We all worry about doing the best for our children. Sometimes that means protecting them from harm, and sometimes it means giving them the best opportunities possible. The problem is that we can only protect our children against the things we can foresee.
One major factor in the immediate health and future wellness of new-borns and children alike is the temperature and humidity of the environments in which they spend their time. Children’s bodies are constantly trying to acclimatise to their surroundings – that’s why they gradually move from their mother’s milk to baby food to simple foods to an adult-ish diet. We do our best to provide optimum conditions for this acclimatisation, and therefore to allow our children’s abilities to be the best possible, so how can we ignore something as constant as the air they breathe?
The answer, of course, is that it’s invisible. We don’t understand temperature and moisture in the same way as more immediate and tangible factors in child development, but the effects of ignoring these variables are very observable. Good air quality is essential to good respiratory development, and it’s something that needs to be taken care of.
Poor air temperature and humidity can lead to a whole host of later complaints and ailments, including general difficulty in breathing, specific complaints such as asthma and hay fever, and a higher susceptibility to developing allergies. Even minor problems with respiratory development can lead to discomfort while sleeping, and a domino effect that reduces the wellbeing of children and new-borns.
The good news is that it’s easy to combat problems like this with even a basic humidifier. This can take the form of dehumidifiers in the baby’s room, creating an isolated and ideal environment, or a home dehumidifier that services the entire household. With such easy solutions, there’s no longer any reason to ignore this important aspect of child development, or to provide our children with anything but the best.
Our children are spending more and more time online, for a variety of purposes: to help with homework, to play games, to socialise with friends and more. While we as adults are concerned with our own online security, a child’s internet security is even more important, as they are less likely to realise the risks that being online can bring.
These risks do not only include viruses and Trojans, but also the possibility that they may see something that is inappropriate for their age, or that they may find themselves the victim of cyber-bullying or the subject of other unwanted attention.
To ensure that your children remain safe online, here’s a list of five top tips…
1. Speak to them regularly about online safety.
Ensure that you regularly speak with your children about the dangers that they could encounter online, and how they can avoid these dangers. The regularity is important to ensure that they don’t forget.
2. Make sure you know whom they’re talking to.
If your children have social network profiles, ensure that you talk through privacy settings with them, and make sure that they are only speaking to people they actually know. Warn them of the dangers of adding strangers.
3. Use parental controls.
Both your internet service provider and your device should have the ability to restrict certain content so that your children can’t see harmful content – ensure that these controls are in place.
4. Set rules.
While children don’t like rules, they can help them stay safe. Consider setting rules around what they can and can’t look at online, the information they are allowed to share, and the amount of time they can spend online.
5. Ensure they know what to do if problems arise.
If your children are concerned about something they have seen or experienced online, make sure they know how to report it and who to.
By my calculation at least seven people have seen my girlfriend’s vagina in the last two weeks and that’s not counting me. Nyla’s private parts have become public ones. She seems to be constantly visiting the clinic for a new scan. A new sexamination. And thanks to the dildo-cam I am now getting a daily update on the state of her ovaries.
Welcome to the world of Mike, an infertile man who desperately wants to be a father but is struggling with the new reality of assisted conception.
Mike is the anti-hero of MY LITTLE SOLDIERS a stunning darkly humorous novel about infertility, written by Glenn Barden and published by Piranha Press.
Written from the rarely heard male perspective of infertility, it will make you laugh, make you cry and warm your heart.
You can buy MY LITTLE SOLDIERS here.
Us cynical city dwellers can be sceptical of clipboard wielding people approaching us on the street claiming to be able to save us money but very occasionally when a stranger says he is trying to give you free money, he really means it!